My Story of Grace

I think it would be fair to say that I grew up in a family of churchgoers. My parents made sure my brother and I were at church every week and were involved in everything possible…youth group, church choir…you name it, we were in it. My family very much lived the life of “appearances were everything” and it was important for everyone to see that we had it all put together. For as long as I can remember I always wanted to make sure people were pleased with me and what I was doing. I guess you could say I was a people pleaser to the core. I was constantly trying to find my significance in how involved I was at church and school, my grades, in tennis, and then of course in how my parents, teachers and friends responded to me and praised my good work.

Even though I grew up in the church, I don’t remember being clearly presented the gospel until I was 11 years old. I was actually with my church youth group at a concert and I remember someone standing on stage and just sharing God’s truth with me. It was like I was the only there and he was talking directly to me. The thing that struck me immediately was the question he asked. He asked that if we were to die tonight, how sure are we that we would go to Heaven. My answer was “not very sure.” He then explained how we are all born sinners and in need of a Savior. He explained that because of sin we are forever separated from God because God is perfect. Then He shared the good news that I remember bringing me great relief. He explained how God sent His Son Jesus to live a perfect life, die on the cross for my sins and then conquered death so that one day I could have eternal life. I immediately jumped at the hope that he offered.

For about the next week or two that followed, I remember that all I wanted to do was spend time reading my Bible. I just couldn’t get enough. But after that week or two, my life quickly went back to normal. Once again I was wrapped up in what others thought of me and had a constant feeling of inadequacy. Junior High and High School could easily be characterized by people pleasing and having a relationship with God that was minimal at best. The most important thing to me was looking like I had it all put together. It wasn’t until college that I got to see what it looked like to have a real relationship with the Lord. I saw that it wasn’t easy and I wasn’t always going to have those happy, fluffy feelings. I found that I would go through periods of time where I wouldn’t even desire spending time with God, but in spite of that discipline was necessary. Even today I still struggle with wanting to please people and wanting to control what others think of me, but the Lord is consistently having to remind me that my adequacy is found in Him and no where else. 2 Corinthians 3:4-6 says “Such confidence we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God, who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” That’s the best news in the world to me! Because of Christ and what He did for me on the cross, God sees me as more than adequate and He loves me as His own.